It's a special day in every supervillain's life when they get to reveal their secret origin.
What (you're asking yourself - I mean, how could you not??) prompted me to my life of
badness? Was I bitten by a radioactive discobug? Was I rocketed to Earth as the last
member of a disco-loving race from a distant star? Was Todd McFarlane somehow
involved in my creation? Well go ahead and relax, and let Uncle Glitter tell you how it
My parents were a couple of squares. I mean, we're talkin' four sides! They were so unhip
it's a wonder they were able to keep their belts on. But even from an early age I knew I
was destined for greatness. I knew two things: 1) that I was a special cat, and 2) that disco
music was out-of-sight! It, like, spoke to me, babies!
After high school, I'd gotten a super-cool supervillain scholarship to Miskatonic University.
There, I majored in supervillainy, and minored in music appreciation (I could never give up
my tunes!). One of my profs was an excellent cat by the name of Clayton Forrester. He took
a shining to me and taught me the ins and outs of being a world-class bad guy. He even used
his own experiments in taking over the wills of others through bad movies, and adapted it for me:
teaching me how to vary my guitar cord progressions to take over the minds of anyone I wanted!
Another big thing happened to me at Misk U. When I wasn't cramming for supervillain
pop-quizzes, I was taking music classes. One of my teachs was this one guy who taught this
bummer classic music course. Straight-laced, pressed tie and wingtip shoes. Like, blarf! But I
saw something in his tired-old orbs. A yearning. He yearned big time for coolness. So I clued him
into disco, and like he was like a man transformed! Like one of those butterflies from one of those
caterpillar dudes! He quit his job teaching that slo-mo music, got him a groovy perm and a pair of
platform shoes, and became the one and only SIDEMAN!
After I graduated, SideMan and me started out lives of crime. It was so out of sight, taking from the
rich and keeping for ourselves! Unfortunately, though, where there's super bad-guys, there's super
good-guys to mess things up for us. I've tangled with all the big names: Superman, Batman,
Spider-Man, and even a few who weren't named "Man." But there was a couple of superheroes (who
definitely weren't men! *wink*) who stuck their pert noses in my business every chance they got.
ElectraWoman and her bummer sidekick DynaGirl. We went head-to-afro a few times, and they laid
some heavy justice down on me every chance they could. One day, they nabbed me and SideMan
pretty good after I tried to take over the world with my glitteranium-powered spy satellite (it's a long
story). The Supreme Court threw the book at us and they sent us up the river for a long, long, LONG
I finally got out of the big house sometime in the '90s. I'd have been like a hip fish out of water if it hadn't
been for SideMan. He'd gotten paroled a few years back and waited for me on the outside. He filled me in
on everything that'd happened while I was inside. The Berlin Wall falling. Glasnost. Luke & Laura's wedding.
One thing he showed me was hot wings, and they are a trip, man! Little chick wings all seasoned and
barbecued! Like far out! And SideMan makes them like no dude can! Another thing he taught me was that
if we were gonna take over the world, we'd need a computer. It seemed like they were the big thing these
days. They're used for banking, security, defense; you can even play games on them! That's when I
realized that I'd need to learn everything I could about them if I was to become the King of Everything.
I started plotting out my latest scheme to take over the world, but there was only so much I could do living
with SideMan in his westside efficiency apartment. So I called up my old teach, Dr Forrester for some help.
He had just the thing: he'd picked up the odd few bucks doing some real estate deals for supervillains, and
he'd just gotten the account of one of the old Blofeld lairs that was on the open market. He was willing to sell
it to me for a song, and babies … if there's one thing Glitter knows how to do, it's sing! A few coats of new
paint, a disco ball or two in the right spot, and voila - thus was christened the GLITTERDOME!
That's my story, cats and kittens! What? You're wondering about that big ol' Plan I had to take over the world?
Well you're looking right at it! Remember how I found out that computers were important? Well amidst all the
laffs and funny captions on this site, I've included free of charge a series of high-speed subliminal images,
based on my cord progression trick. I'm taking over the minds of the world one by one!
LOOK OUT 21ST CENTURY! HERE COMES GLITTERROCK!!!