AlexGariepy
History will look back at this... ... and then laugh at you, Spike TV.




gleeb
.oO Why's that thing gotta be so pokey? Oo.




BlueNothing
Men's Choice for Best Short People - Ankh Morpork Dwarves




RodRocket
"I won cuz my boobies are bigger, Tila!"




TheDiva
And now, the "80 Years of Capping the Oscars (give or take 75 years)" montage!

*lower screen, dim lights*

"Great, it's divisible by five. That means 90% of the show is going to be taken up by stupid retrospectives..."

*music under, low and intense*

"Let's get this shameless self-congatulation train outta the station!"
"Ah'm black, and Ah'm pissed off!"
"I'M AS PLEASED AS PUNCH..."
"This is Bob 'Y'all Never Gave Me Nothin' Hope, coming to you from beyond the grave..."
"If Billy Crystal's hosting there is no chance of that happening!"
"...shomething that's NEVER been uttered at any Oshcar ceremony: "Zardozsh."
"Wait, is she wearing a dress *again* that lets you see the air-conditioning is up high in the Kodak Theatre?"
"This is the last time I show up late for presentation partner assignments."
"First one to go fetch Queenie a corndog, I'll let have a feel!"

*music picks up*

"Presenting the award for best picture, Pitch!"
"..the award for 'Best Movie You've Never Seen But Claim To Have just to Get Into That Film Major's Pants..."
"Humorless Prick on a TV Award Show..."
"Lice-Infested Disheveled Former Tyrannical Dictator..."
"Best Play-Up of A Celebrity Engagement Only To Result in A 6-Month Marriage And A Nasty Lengthy Divorce..."
"The Year of the Preteniously Dowdy Blonde Bitch."
"Webber, you freaky homonculus you!"
"I'm Galadriel, dammit!"
"Get offa Colin Baker NOW!"
"And the winner is...Sean Penn!" "F*ck."

*grand, sweeping music*

"On behalf of everyone who's ever said, 'It's an honour just to be nominated,' I'd like to report that that's complete bollocks...."
"Let me remind you about World War II, and the Moon..."
"It's time for my Adrien Brody Sim to propose..."
"And thank you to Eddie Murphy, who made 'Norbit' and increased my chances..."
"We hate you, we hate the fact you had happy childhoods, and we're going to do as much as possible to tarnish your memories."
"And I'm gonna show this to my friends in Oklahoma, and Missouri, and Iowa, and Texas! YEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!"
"And..... and.... Britney Spears has ficticious boobies and a ficticious music career.."
"My obesity is YOUR FAULT, America!"
"I'm dilated to six already!"
"PLEASE STOP KISSING MY ASS YOU GOOFY MUTHERF**KER!!!!!"
"I thank you, and my breasts thank you."
"Now I will go home and masturbate to this footage of me on national TV every day until next year's Oscar telecast. Good night!"

*dramatic orchestra hit*

"And the Oscars claim another life with mundane boredom."

*applause sign*


(How long did I work on this caption? You don't want to know.)




RodRocket
"We know you photoshop us. It's okay. Just don't e-mail them to us...."




jackrouters
Mr. Ford was accompanied to the ceremony by his wife, the lovely Stick.




AlexGariepy
"Those award-winning three seconds of my mug on that movie really did it for you guys, huh?"




gleeb
"Thank you, Blue Fairy! At last, I'm a real live boy!"




meqal
If they mated: Harry Potter and Ron Weasley.




Mattteus
A delicious and refreshing milk-based beverage.




Zee
This was the last time all their limbs were photographed together




daupstart
"Now we shall take this planet for our--"
"Nah, we gonna take YOU, sucka! Stick em up, be-autch!!" * chik KLAK *
"Holy shit, Neroon! That planet has a gun! Be cool, be cool. We don't want no trouble.... "




Indomitus
Yes, nothing like a romantic dinner by the blue glow of the fusion turbines.




Cyberbeast
How Batman really recruited Robin...
"Come here little boy, does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?"
Hours later, young Dick wakes up in a cave...
"Your parents are dead, put on these tights."




RodRocket
"It's Rosh Hashanah, Robin! I must blow the Bat-Shofar!"




Zee
It kind of sucks being Lady Cassandra but at least you get a cool car.




AlexGariepy
Down, down and backward, down, down-forward, forward + B!




Arc5
The Moon Man, indeed.




Indomitus
No pupils... and yet... staring into my soul...





SweetHeart666
Thank you, Noshitt Gazette!





PrezGAR
"Three pints of Guiness. Same way any good Irish boy does it."





tinaw
"Whoo! Glad that's over. Muhf*cka was bleedin' my Moesha residuals dry!"





gleeb
The rosary just drives home the irony, walks it to the door, and gives it a good-night kiss.





meqal
Most women have periods, Britney has exclamation points.




Dita DuPave
So Post Partum Depression can cause this?




WaffleKing
How Stephen Hawking sees a magazine.




Arc5
"And here, in their native habitat, the timid librarians respond to the gentle urges of the Spring."


YibbleGuy
Aw, geez ... why don't they just put a red shirt on him and beam him down from the Starship Enterprise while they're at it ....


Coakley
Buffy can do a lot of things. Changing the toner in the copier isn't one of them.















CAP PAGES ELIGIBLE FOR JUDGING ARE AWARD SHOWS 176-187, BABYLON 5 217-218, BATMAN 77-82, BRITNEY'S MOST SHOCKING MOMENTS & MOST SHOCKING YEAR EVER 1-7, BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER 86-92, BEST WEEK EVER 190-196, CHARLIE'S ANGELS 1-8, CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY 8, CHARMED 1-7, CLOWN PORN 1-9, CPB DRIVE-IN 1-13, DOCTOR WHO 710-841, DOLLMAN VS DEMONIC TOYS 1-7, DUNGEONS & DRAGONS 20-21, ETC. 3 SANITY 0 1210-1274, ETC. THE ANIMATED SERIES 135-164, FRIDAY THE 13TH 125-127, HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL 23-27, HIGURASHI NO NAKU KORO NI 1-5, THE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY 11-14, HOLIDAY MAIL-ORDER MADNESS 47-63, IRON CHEF 20-25, LAZYTOWN 38-43, LEXX 99-101, LOST 19-27, THE MELANCHOLY OF HARUHI SUZUMIYA 1-16, MIDDLE-EARTH 64-69, MST3K/CAPPING 53-59, MYSTERY COMIC THEATER 871-1120, NATIONAL READING MONTH SPECIAL 1-23, A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 45-47, PINGU 19-23, POORMAN'S BIKINI BEACH 21-24, PORCH SWINGS 286-299, PROJECT FREE FORM 192-253, THE SARAH JANE ADVENTURES 6-7, SOLSTROM THE SERIES 8-10, SPACE BATTLESHIP YAMATO 21-41, STAR TREK 324-336, SUPERMAN 52-77, SYFAIL 6-9, THEKARI & ZEE'S BIG FAT GEEK WEDDING 1-20, TWIN PEAKS 6, V THE SERIES 32-35, VIEW ASKEW 40-43 and WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY? 14-16.